Praising God Through the Storm

Is there really Power in Prayer???

2010-06-02T17:39:00.003-04:00

If you are a believer in God Almighty and his Son Jesus Christ, you know the answer to my title question. However, for those of you who are not believers, I hope this note will witness to you in a way you've never known before.

After my biopsy yesterday, Dr. Lisa Baron had told me the results will show 1 of 3 scenarios: either cancerous cells present, pre-cancerous cells present, or a fibrocystic calcification with no cancer cells present. I honestly thought that this would be cancerous, mainly because what I saw on the pictures from the mammogram looked exactly like what I saw on the pictures from last fall when I was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Thanks to my friend Angela for inviting us to hang out with her and her kiddos today to help keep my mind off things. It was a great way to spend the afternoon as I waited for the phone call from Dr. Baron. We went to the pool for a few hours. I received a voice message from Dr. Baron around 2:15pm simply stating, "Tammy, this is Dr. Baron. I have GREAT news for you so call me when you get this message." I called her back immediately and she confirmed that the pathology report showed NO CANCER CELLS!!!!! She said I just need to come back in 6 months for a mammogram on both sides. From this point on that will be routine for me.

I quickly went back to Angela and the kids, gathered them all around me in a big circle holding hands and then told them all, "It's time to do a Happy Dance! Ms. Tammy doesn't have cancer anymore!". WOW! Both Angela and I began crying with joy. I had Benton on speaker phone at the same time and I think he probably thought we were nutzo. What an amazing relief. I remember the feeling after my Mom died that was like cinder blocks being lifted off my shoulders. Today was the exact same sense of relief as 12 years ago. I sat down and just marveled at how AWESOME OUR GOD IS!

So let me just tell you that this good news is only from God. I truly believe in the power of prayer and have had so many people praying for me. Our Christian circle of friends is HUGE, ranging from Michigan, North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, Massachusetts, and even Paris, France. Folks, if you don't believe in the power of prayer, you are doubting the one and only true and living God. Doubting what God can do makes you doubt your faith. True faith is when you have absolute assurance that God is a God who saves us from our sins, protects us from Satan, and promises to guide us, heal us, and sustain us...

Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (NIV)

There is only one true God in this universe. We are not in charge of our "destiny", God is in total control of EVERYTHING!

6 months post surgery...

2010-06-01T18:46:00.005-04:00

Well, 6 months have passed since my surgery date in November. I made it through the 7 weeks of radiation treatment and after 4 weeks post treatments I finally began feeling "normal" again. My 6 month follow up mammogram was scheduled for May 25, 2010. I of course had this scheduled at the Charleston Breast Center (remember...never going back to Trident!).

The Mammogram started off fine, until they called me back in the 2nd time around for more pictures. I simply asked the tech "Did they find something?". She said yes, they had found another calcification area, this time on the right side. Surprising? Kind of. But at the same time I knew it could always be a possibility. I met with Dr. Lisa Baron, the Radiologist (and wife of my surgeon, Dr. Paul Baron) after all the pictures were taken. She showed me exactly where they found the "spot" on my right tata. I guess I just needed to see "proof" that there was a calcification deposit there. It looked exactly like the one they found on my left side back in October. Good news was that it was only about 2mm round. Last fall, the spot was about 3mm round. Dr. Baron was so wonderful and patient with me as she showed me all the pictures and told me what everything was I was seeing. She said she would like to biopsy the area to be sure of what it is. I said no problem and then proceeded to tell her about my previous biopsy experience. She was horrified at what had happened to me and quickly assured me it would not happen there. She made notes on my chart about needing the extra pain medication right away. That was a relief, to know that she truly took my comments to heart and was not going to let me feel anything!

So today, June 1, 2010 I had my second breast biopsy. I didn't sleep much last night and Benton asked me last night why I was in a bad mood. Stress honey, just stress. We are blessed to have wonderful friends around the corner who welcomed Jesse & Dylan to their home at 7:15am. My appointment was scheduled for 8:15am. When we arrived at the Breast Center we signed in and they quickly called me back. Dr. Baron and her staff started the procedure at 8:45am. It was simply astounding how different of an experience I had today compared to the experience at Trident.

I laid on my right side, in a very comfortable position, with a blanket under my head, a blanket between my knees and a blanket keeping me warm. The side of the bed I was on dropped off so that the machine could be slid up next to me. They used a large ace bandage kind of thing to hold my left breast back out of the way while they put my right breast in compression. It only took the techs 1 try to get me perfectly aligned for the procedure (remember at Trident it took them about 45 minutes!!!!!). Dr. Baron arrived and began the numbing medication. I only felt a small prick with that. A few moments later she asked if I could feel anything. It felt like they were inserting a piece of fishing wire through me but there was no pain. They gave me more novicane and within 5 min started the biopsy. I honestly didn't feel anything. I heard the noise of the machine and that was it. The mechanism they use to extract the tissue was quite fascinating. First you hear the "zipping" sound of the needle pulling out the tissue and immediately after that they gave me another dab of pain med, then more tissue extraction, then more pain med, etc. Technology is amazing (wonder why Trident didn't do that?). The biopsy was over in about 5 minutes, they took a few more pictures and then I was done. I laid on my back applying pressure to the area where the needle was inserted for about 15 minutes. Believe it or not I asked Dr. Baron if I could see what they took out of me....she showed me! It was like a long fat piece of spaghetti noodle covered in gooey white & red stuff. I thought it was really cool to be able to see the tissue.

So after cleaning the betadine off my skin, and covering me back up, it was back to the mammogram machine for a few pictures, 3 to be exact. They needed to make sure the mini clip had been inserted correctly at the area where they removed the tissue from. This assures that, in the event I need surgery again, they will know exactly what area to remove more tissue from.

Once done with the final pictures, Dr. Baron met Benton and I in the consultation room. I had a huge smile on my face when I saw Benton and just simply said, "This was 500 times better than my last experience! Wow - it was painless!" Dr. Baron assured us that we will have the results of the biopsy by tomorrow, June 3rd, no later than 5pm. A huge thanks to Sandy & Kari who were the techs with me the whole time during the procedure! You both have a wonderful bedside manner with patients! Showing the kind of love and compassion you do towards your patients is simply priceless!

Restrictions I have for now...no lifting, no exercising, no swimming for at least 3 days. Ibuprofen will be my friend for the next few days as well. They told me to expect much soreness tomorrow and probably some bruising.

We left Charleston, picked up the boys, came home, and Benton and I both took a 2 hour nap as best as we could with a major thunder storm rolling through and the sounds of Jesse & Dylan playing the Wii. We resumed our family Monopoly game we had begun last night and just put it this way, I am so glad I am the "family money manager" in our home! :)

A dear family who are wonderful friends of our brought us the perfect summer dinner tonight so I didn't have to worry about cooking. Angela & Brian - you guys are such loving, kind, and gracious friends! The homemade chicken salad and berry dessert was perfect tonight! Thank you so much!

I'm starting to feel the pain meds wearing off - you can tell they gave me alot since it has taken almost 8 hours for me to start feeling anything! Already got the Ibruprofen in my system in hopes it will take the "edge" off tonight and tomorrow.

Thanks to everyone for your continued prayers. Norm, Angela, Jody, Rita, Jody, Ruth, Christy, Amy, Kelly, Debbi, Kim, Krista, Dorette, Kimberly, Garrett (see note at end of this post!)...too many more to name all of you. You know who you are though and I simply say thank you. We have the most dedicated group of prayer warriors around! Love you all!

I'll be sure to update my blog later this week when I have the results of the biopsy! Until then...just keep praying, just keep praying, just keep praying!

Note: A sweet prayer from Garrett Knight, May 29, 2010 (10 yrs old), "Jesus, I pray for Mrs. Tammy that she does not itch her lump and spread it all over her and give it to Dylan and Jesse and that you would take her lump and throw it away." Thank you Garrett, I luv ya buddy!

Ring the bell time!

2010-03-05T13:33:00.003-05:00

Well, I actually rang the bell almost a month ago. Sorry, again I'm getting caught up in getting caught up at home and am forgetting to write on my blog. Please forgive me!

Thursday Feb 11th was my last day of treatment. Benton took the day off to celebrate the big event with me. Before heading downtown we stopped at the school and picked up the boys too. It was important to me to have my whole family with me to celebrate this accomplishment and culmination of treatment in my life.

I pretty much danced into Roper that day with a huge smile on my face. Jason called me back as soon as we got there. After the treatment was over I got changed and came out of the dressing room swinging my pink gown and joyfully tossed it into the laundry bin. Whew, it was over! What a relief! A few friends I made there came early to help celebrate and take some photos for me. Thanks Lynne, Kim & Kathy for being there!

I didn't cry like I thought I was going to. I just kept on smiling. I couldn't believe how quickly the 33 treatment days passed by. By the end of my last treatment most of the blistering had subsided but now the top 1/3 of my tata looked like someone placed a warm iron on it. It was quite rosy and began peeling quickly. Talk about wanting to scratch your armpit like a monkey! Wow...I couldn't keep enough ointment and lotion on it to relieve that sensation!

But it's over and I have so many people to thank for the prayers, encouragement, kind words, laughter & tears we have shared along this journey. First and foremost, thanks to my Lord and Savior for sustaining me every breath of the way. Without Jesus as my guide I could not have remained so positive. Secondly, my best friend and love of my life, Benton. Whew...I thought I was a witch at times before cancer - to think what he had to put up with this winter! :) Just kidding (I think?)...I wasn't that bad but I know I did complain A LOT about the pain and discomfort. Thanks for listening to me and just being there for me. I'm so blessed to have you in my life by my side every step of the way! Thirdly, my children...for in their innocent ways reminding me that I was still a Mommy and that cancer was not controlling me, I was controlling it! Lastly, EVERYONE ELSE out there...old & new friends, family, neighbors, strangers, and prayer warriors! I'm not a "taker" in life but I was so appreciative to be receiving so much support and prayers from all of you!

I'm actually writing this on March 6th. My follow-up appt with Dr. Decker the radiologist is next Thursday and I'm sure she'll say all is fine. I feel fine, look relatively normal, and really don't feel like anything is different about me. Funny thing is though that because of the fact I feel fine, I tried to work out last week and near about collapsed from exhaustion when I got home. I forget that my body is still healing on the inside and that body takes lots of energy to repair itself. I thought I could bounce right back into the gym....wrong! So let's just say I'm taking it slowly. Today I thought of going for a walk...wound up crashing for about 1 1/2 hours instead. Most of you who know me know that sleeping during the day is not my style. However, lately, I've learned to listen to my body when it tells me to take a break. I hope to "snap out of it" soon though and get back to the gym on a regular basis. I am back in the classroom substitute teaching and also doing volunteer work at the school. It helps me to get motivated when I know I have something on my calendar for the day!

Again, thanks to everyone for staying up to date on my journey. God has been so good to me along the way and I continue to praise HIM even though the storm has passed by....love to all,
Tammy.

Roper Rocks - Part 2

2010-02-10T07:23:00.009-05:00

Hello again, sorry it has been a while since my last post. I get so caught up in my daily routine that I've been forgetting to write on my blog.

I have 2 more radiation treatments left, today and tomorrow. Everything is still going fine with the exception of some discomfort on my left side. I have begun to blister a little and it is quite annoying. Kind of like I have been sun bathing on a nude beach and everything is covered except my left tata. I'm really red, a little swollen, and am peeling with some blisters too. Not very attractive if you ask me. Also, my left tata has actually shrunk a little...now I feel your pain HG! Best news I heard from the Radiologist so far though was to NOT wear a bra as much as possible. What a "freeing" report! :) It's chilly here in SC now so at least I'm not just wearing a t-shirt around town...it's easy to disguise, put it that way! :)

I'm writing the rest of this post as a letter to the staff at Roper. It's hard to believe that tomorrow is my last day of treatment. The past 7 weeks have flown by. Much of the time passing is in thanks to the incredible staff in the Roper Radiation & Oncology department. Words cannot express my gratitude, love, and thanks I have for everyone I have met there and everyone who has been involved in my treatment. A few names stand out in the crowd but everyone was amazing.

Jason Gregory (aka Mario) & Heather Phillips - what can I say...the laughter and fun we have shared will never be forgotten. The 2 of you have the most wonderful bedside manners towards your patients. Jason, you are one the most gentle, caring, fun, sincere, and kind people I've met. I truly felt like you "took care of me" and that you genuinely were concerned about me, not only getting the treatments done right, but that I was OK (so many coughing fits, sorry!). Heather, thanks for sincerely getting to know me and my family. I love sharing stories with you. You too are one of the most genuine, caring, fun, happy, and sweet people at Roper. I wish I could do more for you guys besides make chocolate chip cookies. Perhaps I'll surprise you with a visit sometime and maybe we could all go to lunch (sugar-free lunch of course!). Oh yea..Heather, they sell Casual perfume at Perfumania in Northwoods Mall (hehehe!).

Allie Capers & Chris Dukes, my nurses - WOW! The best way to define the two of you is by saying you make an amazing team who truly seems to understand what the patient is going through and how to comfort us, guide us, and encourage us along the way. I love the honesty you shared with me throughout the weeks. I knew I could ask you anything and that you would give me a candid truthful response without "holding back". You guys Rock!!!!!

Chris Bucknam, Chad Rouse and Shawn Carter (aka Luigi), 3 more of the Radiation Techs - you all are kind, sweet and in a way, "relaxing" to be around. Definitely loved your sweetness and kindness during the first few weeks of treatment. Chad, be sure to check out the Summerville Art Walk...maybe I'll see you there sometime! And Chad, go easy on the markings OK? Let your son do the creative coloring side of things OK? :) Shawn, just rip it off, like a band-aid...don't try to be so delicate with the stickers!

Sheilah Hill & Brooks Cannon - only got to see you guys a few times but it was a pleasure. Brooks, you took the time to explain to me so many details at my very first appointment. I'll never forget the fear in my mind and heart about Radiation and you took the time to comfort me and also give me a big hug to help me relax. After meeting you, I knew it would be OK. Thank for you that. Sheila, you are a nut! I love your accent and your "country spirit".

Josephine Stanley & Ruashannah Barnwell - What more beautiful faces and smiles could I ask for when I walk in the door??? And thanks for calling me Tammy, not Ms. Johns. You brightened my day as soon as I arrived. Just knowing I would be able to say hello to you guys each morning made me smile.

I think I've mentioned everyone. As I write this note I begin to tear up. It's obviously been an emotional few months for me but with the likes of y'all taking care of me it was so much easier to handle. The love I have received from each of you in your own special way is unmeasurable. It will be an emotional day for me tomorrow, not only because it is the culmination of my treatment period, but also because I will be saying farewell to all of you. I know I can come visit anytime and don't be surprised if I do. You all have almost become like family to me and it is always hard to say goodbye. I don't like the word goodbye so I'll simply say "until we meet again". I hope though, that when we do meet again, it will be under better circumstances...perhaps seeing one another out and about in the Charleston and Summerville communities.

I wish you all the best in life and want to share one of my favorite bible verses with you...

Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you hope and a future." I will be praying that the Lord blesses each and every one of you. I thank God for you all and may He bless you abundantly!

Tammy Johns

Final Stretch...

2010-01-25T16:59:00.002-05:00

Today was my 20th radiation treatment...13 more to go. If I'm calculating correctly, my last treatment will be on Thursday Feb 11th. Just in time for Benton and I to celebrate our 12th Wedding Anniversary on Valentine's Day! I already made reservations for us to go out to dinner on the 13th. Hard to believe it has already been 12 years since we tied the knot!

Treatments are going same as always, very quick & easy. Last week I had some "exhausting" days so I took advantage of the quiet house during the school hours and tried to catch up on some sleep. For the most part I'm doing great. Came down with a very sore throat this past Friday night and asked Kris the nurse about it today. She said that sometimes, depending on the depth and placement of the radiation, it could touch the esophogas (sp?). Not in my case though so that was good news. Guess I've just caught a little bug. Hasn't gotten any better yet so if it persists I'll be calling my regular MD. Just hope it's not something serious like strep throat. I would assume that the radiation treatments do compromise my immune system a little. I never get sick so perhaps that is why now I am.

Feels like Spring is in the air here in Summerville. I know all you Michigan & Maine friends don't like to hear that. We had a very loud windy storm come through last night that drenched everything. Thought even that perhaps my appt this morning may have been cancelled due to flooding in downtown Charleston. Apparently, because Charleston is right at sea level, or just slightly above it, whenever there is a large rain storm the streets downtown flood very easily. I made it there and back just fine though.

I'm looking foward to the next few weeks going by quickly. Next step after radiation is to meet with an oncologist to determine whether or not she recommends being on Tamoxophin. Not big on that idea at all. Hoping she says it is not necessary and that we can discuss other possible ideas. I'm working closely with my chiropractor to get my body back to "normalcy". Taking some natural supplements and following a very strict no sugar eating plan. It sure is hard! Trust me, there are many nights that I really want to make some cookie dough!

My meals for the day typically are consisting of organic oatmeal w/whole organic milk and cinnamon, organic turkey slices, a cheese stick, and blue corn tortilla chips for lunch, and then a good dinner that is somewhat normal for our family - tonight I'm roasting a chicken and serving it with organic broccoli. Hardest part is not putting the sugar in my coffee. Oh yea, we switched to Decaf coffee too (don't tell Benton, not sure he has figured it out yet!). We are trying Agave Nectar as a sweetener...it's not bad, but expensive for a small amount.

Should be a fun weekend around here. Dylan turns 8 on Friday and he is having his birthday celebration at an art studio in downtown Summerville where he has been taking art lessons. Saturday is another basketball day with Jesse's Upward team...always fun & exciting! Sunday is our day to enjoy our church family and worship the Lord together in corporate worship & praise. Sunday is always an uplifting and rejuevenating day for me. Even if I'm feeling down I know that going to church is the best thing for me!

Time to check on the chicken...smells so good I can already taste it! Thanks to everyone for checking in and keeping up to date through my blog. I wish you all a very blessed day!
Tammy

P's & Q's of Radiation...

2009-12-31T15:51:00.002-05:00

P = Painless and Q=Quick...simple as that! I have had 4 treatments this week and so far, so good. I could make the drive to Roper and back again blindfolded by now. I know every bump and pothole on 26 (yes, northern folks...we do have potholes down south too!).

As soon as I arrive at Radiation & Oncology I check in, change into a top gown, and moments later they call me back to the room. I know the routine pretty well now so I go ahead and get positioned as best as I can on the table. The radiation techs adjust me if they need to and then they leave the room. The actually time it takes for the treatment is about 5 minutes, if that. I actually tried counting today...1 one thousand, 2 one thousand, 3 one thousand and came up with about 1 minute. Some of the time is the movement of the machine into different positions. I can't feel anything during the treatment and with the exception of a little tenderness on my left breast, all is good. I need to apply lotion or Aquafor 2-3 times a day all over the treatment area as a precaution to avoid "sun burning" effects.

Apparently the first 3 weeks are a breeze and the 2nd 3 weeks is when I may start feeling the effects...exhaustion, dry skin, scaly skin, and possibly some blistering. So long as I continue to apply the lotion regularly I may be able to avoid lots of discomfort in a few weeks.

I know almost all the techs, nurses, and staff by first name now (imagine that huh?). They are all so kind, funny & friendly. Roper is a wonderful place and it's no wonder why they are the top rated hospital in the area.

We are laying low tonight for New Year's Eve...watching some movies and building a fire in the fireplace. We actually have a wood burning fireplace in our new house. I forgot about how much I love the ambiance of a real fire crackling!

I wish you all a joyous, properous and healthy 2010! Remember again Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Oh yea, yesterday I took a detour home and went to the Earth Fare market on Folly Road. EVERYTHING in there is organic, I mean everything! Pricy, yes, but organic and so fresh! The salmon and broccoli we had last night was outstanding. Both boys devoured it and said they could have that every night. I told them they had to get a job if they wanted to have salmon every night!

Time to chill out and enjoy the rest of the evening with my wonderful family. Happy New Year everyone! Talk to you next year!
Tammy

Facing the Giant....

2009-12-21T17:21:00.004-05:00

Well, CT scan last week went fine and that day they scheduled me for today for my "trial run" to start the radiation treatments. Everything went fine. It's actually really pretty the way they have the radiation room set up...they have a "tropical theme" on the wall and they even have a water fountain. Guess they try to make you feel as peaceful as possible since you are not supposed to move at all during the treatments (with the exception of breathing of course). Sheila, Jason & Chad took care of me today and will apparently be the same technicians taking care of me in the future. The plan after today was to start radiation tomorrow. I had all my appts scheduled for this week (nothing 12/24 or 12/25) and for next week. Got the child care situation all taken care of as well. However, as we all know, plans can change. And plans did change. I was grocery shopping when Sheila called and said she had just spoken to Dr. Decker. Dr. Decker would rather start my treatments next week in order to start with 3-4 treatments immediately, rather than 2 treatments then 4 days off. Makes some sense to me but must admit I was a little "dissapointed" since I had already scheduled friends to watch the boys and I had already emotionally prepared myself to start this week. I was ready to face the giant this week and get it over with. The idea of radiation treatments has been weighing heavily on my mind. I'm more stressed out about it than I thought I would be. Unfortunately, too, when I get stressed out, I take it out of my family. I don't mean to, but it is just simply what happens. I'm not as happy, calm, or fun to be around...just ask them. I guess God just knew I wasn't 100% ready to start this week...he's not done preparing for this next leg of the journey quite yet! He is so good and I need to remember that everything is done in HIS time, not mine! (Thanks to Benton for the friendly reminder when he walked in a few minutes ago!)

Many of you are probably saying, "How wonderful that I do not need to start treatments Christmas week!". True, but at the same time I just wanted to face this giant in my head and get the process going. Here's another catcher...we obviously have already met our insurance deductible for calendar year 2009. Our new insurance year begins 1/1/10 so any treatments, appts, etc. next year we will have to pay for again until we meet our deductible. In the long run it really won't matter...we'll have to pay our new deductible again no matter what.

So, time for me to readjust my mind, be excited by all the joys and blessings of the Christmas Season, and try to not think about next week until it arrives. Thanks to the following families for being willing and available to help us out this week or next - Fladd family, Wilson Family (x2), and the Spivey Family. You guys are amazing, wonderful people and we are so blessed to have you in our lives!

Time to motivate for another Christmas gathering. This time it's the church choir drop-in at the Wilson's home.

Merry Christmas everyone! May your hearts and homes be filled with the joys and wonder of the Christmas Season!

Radiation??

2009-12-09T09:31:00.004-05:00

Sorry I have not posted anything new to my blog in a few days. For those of you who are on FB and friends with me, you know that I have a ton of information swimming around in my mind. For some reason, the thought of Radiation is terrifying me. Benton and I met with the Radiation Oncologist on Monday, 12/7/09, at Roper Hospital. Her name was Dr. Decker. We both really liked her - very straight forward and to the point. Not too "mushy", "sweet", or "giddy"...just a simple to the point kind of doctor. We went through a ton of questions with her. The biggest question in our mind was "If they apparently got all the cancer in the biopsy and/or lumpectomy, and all the pathology reports from surgery have come back negative, WHY do I need radiation?".

Well, many factors play into the reason why they medically recommend radiation...
1. My cancer was a Grade 3 aggressive cancer;
2. I am young and radiation will greatly minimize the chance of recurrence;
3. I was w/in 1mm of invasion (spreading) of the cancer.

The invasion report is somewhat vague because it was within 1 mm. They can not tell me 100% that it was an invasive cancer but they can not rule it out either. We caught the cancer so early that we caught it before there was any obvious sign of invasion. Make sense? Some days it does make sense to me, others it does not.

Benton and I have received information not only from the Radiologist but also from others who may not necessarily agree with radiation as a treatment option. We have been trying to sort through all the information in our heads to make the best decision for my treatment. We keep coming back to the decision of "let's do both".

Both "treatments" would include radiation and a change of diet/lifestyle. We all know that sugar is bad for our bodies right? Common sense tells us this! We also know that exercise is very important to our health. Again, common sense tells us this. So, why not have the radiation and also begin changing our lifestyle to begin eating healthier and exercising regularly.

The radiation treatment plan would be 5 days a week for 5-7 weeks. Yup, driving from Summerville to downtown Charleston for almost 2 months. Fun? No, not really, but it's my health and my future we are talking about here. Yes, our gasoline bill will increase slightly for those 2 months but if it kills the malignant cells that may be left in my body I think I can handle it. The surgeon's office has also referred me to a Radiologist at Trident (aaaaa!) and I have a tentative appointment there on 12/28/09. Trident is only a 15 min drive for me where Roper is about 30-45 min depending on traffic. I still have my fear of Trident though based on my biopsy experience. Both Benton and I are very comfortable with Roper Hospital so we most likely will stick to that plan.

So that's where we stand folks. No final decision has been made. I continue to pray to God for his guidance and wisdom to make the best decision for me. He is the Great Physician, and he knows what is in store for me. I need to continue trusting in Him and he will guide me through the whole process.

Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you" declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Back to Normal...

2009-12-02T07:44:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been 2 weeks to the day since I had my surgery. It's as though I turned a corner in the healing process and finally feel almost 100% normal (I know, I know...you are all saying I'll never be normal!). Finally do not have to sleep with a brassiere on any longer! Yea! I'm able to do just about any physical activity with the exception of lifting anything over 5 lbs. and exercising vigourously (bummer huh?). We are finally done with all the leftovers from the delicious meals that were brought to us by our church family. Guess I should start cooking again huh? Mmmm...maybe a good time to try some new recipes!

Next step is meeting the Radiation Doctor next Monday, Dec 7th, for a consult. The Doctor I will meet will either be Dr. Clay or Dr. Decker. Their practice is located within Roper Hospital downtown. I have lots of questions to ask them and I'm sure they will have the answers...how long does a treatment take? Will I be able to "feel" the radiation? Will I be OK to drive myself home afterwards? What are the possible side effects? etc. Lots of new things to think about but again, I'm just so glad that the Lord is in charge!

Got the new house decorated for Christmas and love it. When we were growing up in Medfield my Mom always had the little candles in the windows at night. I've always wanted to do that but never took the time or money to make it happen...until this year! The house looks great! I even put some mini white lights on a few bushes out front. I decorated a plain 30" wreath myself for our front door. I'll get some photos taken soon and post them on my facebook page.

A friend of mine from church just shared that her Mom was recently diagnosed with breast cancer as well. I asked if I could call her and I did. Her name is Shirley and it was so wonderful to talk with her. I was thrilled to hear that she is also seeing Dr. Baron as her surgeon. We shared our experiences together and I was able to tell her what to expect over the next few weeks. I've been praying that the Lord will use this trial in my life to share with others and hopefully help others through the process. That is exactly what Shirley has been praying about too! We both are praying for God to strengthen our faith and hope in him and that he will use our experiences to win others into His Kingdom!

Short post today, time to straighten up the house, finish the laundry and then read some intriguing information on the book of Revelation, ch 15. In closing, let me ask...do you believe in the end times? When the end time does come, where will you go...Heaven or Hell? I will be praying for those I love, both family & friends, that you will receive Christ as your personal Savior and that come the end times, we will rejoice in Heaven together!

What Am I Thankful For This Thanksgiving?

2009-11-26T07:39:00.002-05:00

T - TATAS girls!!!!
H - HOPE in HIM, our Almighty Father, Sustainer & Great Physician
A - my ATTITUDE in life
N - NEGATIVE test results
K - KINDNESS of friends & family
S - my SOUL MATE Benton (and also SANDY Fitch - my Mom and inspiration to fight the cancer!)
G - GOD, GOD, GOD, GOD....you get the idea!
I - my IN LAWS, who I love dearly and wish lived closer!
V - VERSES of the Bible that I have the freedom to read and share out loud!
I - INSPIRATIONAL friends, readings and moments in life
N - Our NAMESAKES of Jesse & Dylan
G - the saving GRACE of our Lord Jesus Christ

I wish everyone a joyful, relaxing, loving & blessed Thanksgiving Day! May you take time to reflect on all that you are Thankful for! God Bless you all! Sending this out with tears of joy and thanks in my eyes!
Tammy

Fantastic Follow Up Visit...

2009-11-24T14:28:00.004-05:00

This morning I had my post op follow up appt with Dr. Baron. His medical assistant, Jill Neumann, came in first and told me the good news. There were NO CANCER CELLS FOUND AT ALL IN THE SPECIMEN FROM THE LUMPECTOMY & LYMPH NODES!!!!!!! Praise the Lord!!! She could not stop smiling at the good news and I near about burst into tears of joy. Dr. Baron came in and confirmed the same report. My incisions are healing very well and he said they should clear up quite a bit in the next week. No heavy lifting or exercising allowed (bummer huh?). Guess lifting weights is out of the question. I do hope to begin walking again now (hint hint to my new neighbors!!!). Walking will be fine but no running. Can't do anything with major impact, unless I decide to use duck tape around my chest so nothing moves around! NOT!!!

Now, however, because my cancer was a Grade 3 in agressiveness and because the Radiologist/Oncologist confirmed the size of the cancer cell area taken out as almost 7mm, they are suggesting radiation and being on Tamoxophin for 5 years. Tamoxphin is an estrogen blocker. Apparently breast cancer cells are attracted to estrogen, therefore the need to block the estrogen. Man, I'm starting to sound like I really know what I'm talking about now! :)

Yesterday I made 2 batches of my candied pecans and made little gift bags to bring to Dr. Baron's office and to the staff at Roper Hospital. Dr. Baron was so funny when I told him I made him a little something to say thanks. He asked if this was a business I owned - no, just me loving to bake goodies and share them with people. He was glad he could share them with his staff so he didn't need to eat them all by himself!

Next time I see Dr. Baron will be in 6 months for a bi-lateral mammogram to be sure all is fine and that no more cancer has appeared. They asked if I wanted to go back to Trident and I said no way. Roper is the place for me from now on!

After leaving Dr. Baron's office I found my way over to Roper Hospital to deliver more pecans and hugs. I walked into Ambulatory Surgery and immediately saw 3 familar faces...Tanya, Cynthia Saukas, and the other gal from the Breast Care Center. They all came up to me and gave me big hugs. I told them how much I appreciated the superb care I received from them and wanted them to know how wonderful my experience was with each and every one of them. It was so good to see them all and thank them in person (especially when I was not under the influence of meds!). I walked up to Nuclear Medicine and again was greeted by a familar face. I do not remember her name but she was the one who wheeled me back to my room after the radiocative stuff was injected into me last Wed. I asked her if Susan Hartley was there and she went to get her for me. Susan came out with a huge smile and said "HI TAMMY!!". I gave her a goodie bag as well and again simply said thank you for the kind, compassionate, and friendly care I received from her and Dr. Cole.

The cool thing was that apparently all the staff I mentioned in my letter to Roper had already read the letter! Love the fast USMail service! One gal introduced me to someone else as the girl who wrote the blog!

It was so good to revisit Roper today. I told Cynthia that she would for sure see me again in 6 months because from now on all my breast care will be done at Roper. Even my Radiation will be done at Roper too.

I was so excited coming home that I went school early to surprise the boys. I couldn't help but share the great news with them about the cancer being all out of Mommy's body. Jesse was happy, but you know, 4th graders have to be cool in front of friends. Dylan's little face lit up and he gave me a huge squeeze! It was great to see everyone at the school...it had been at least 4 weeks since I had been in there. I love the staff at Fort Dorchester Elementary. So many of them have been praying for me as well. We are so blessed to live in a community where there are many believers in God and Jesus Christ who are not ashamed to say so!

OK, no school tomorrow...we're kicking back and watching movies this afternoon.

Lastly, what am I thankful for the most this Thanksgiving?????....I'm thankful for love, compassion, excellent medical care, laughter, tears, joy, salvation, mercy, and grace!! God is so good, all the time!

How Tough are you Tammy?

2009-11-20T09:42:00.004-05:00

Not as tough as I thought. The pain really set in hard last night and I gave in to the pain meds. Before bed I had Benton help me reposition the gauze over the incisions. Gave it a little more cushioning. The incision where they took out the lymph node is the one closest to my arm pit and hurts the most. Probably because there is not so much fatty tissue around it like there is near the other incision. The lymph node incision is about 1 inch long and the lumpectomy incision is about 3 inches long. At least that's what I can tell trying to look sideways and down at my chest when I can't even raise my arm. Even with a mirror it's difficult for me to see it very well. I have been sleeping with some travel pillows under my arm pit for more comfort and that helps. Slept primarily on my right side and then on my back. Actually had a good night's sleep last night but this morning I woke up in lots of pain. Couldn't even walk around the house without holding the pillow under my arm. Thank goodness I have a wonderful husband who helped get the boys up, showered, fed, and out the door for school this morning. As soon as they left I took more pain med and went back to bed for 2 1/2 hours. Just woke up a bit ago. Feeling better and hoping the rest of the day goes by easier than the morning started.

Dear Lord, thank you for bringing me safely through my surgery and for giving the staff and doctors wisdom and compassion towards me. I thank you for being the Great Physician and for being my Sustainer, Strength, Strongtower and Father. I continue to praise you during this storm in my life. I feel the weight and burdens in my head and heart being lifted by you every moment. Thank you for your protection and for the grace and mercy you bestow to me every day! In the name of your glorious Son I pray, Amen.

Roper Rocks!!!!

2009-11-19T10:32:00.006-05:00

Yesterday was the big day...surgery at Roper Hospital downtown Charleston. We left the house at 6am in order to beat the supposed traffic everyone was telling us about. Folks, we didn't hit any traffic and were at Roper's front door at 6:33am. I prayed out loud as we got on 26 that God would protect our travels and help us avoid any traffic...another simple prayer answered by Him!

The registration process was very simple. The 3 phone calls I received a few days prior helped to gather all the information they needed. We checked in to Ambulatory Surgery and waited for about 40 minutes before they called me back to my room and to prep me. I got settled in my beautiful hospital gown and Benton came back after the nurse put in my IV needle (didn't need him fainting on me from seeing the needle!). At 7:47am they started the IV of Ciprofalxin (saline solution w/dextrose - my "food" for the day). At 8:00am a nurse walked us to the Breast Care Center where my needle placement was to be done. The needle placement was completed at 8:50am . I was wise to make sure everyone knew I needed extra numbing meds based on my experience from the biopsy. They made sure of it and besides the initial prick I didn't feel a thing. Dr. Amy Bethea did the needle placement and Cynthia Saukas was the Head Mammogram Tech working along side her and holding my hand. The needle was about the width of a piece of thread (very delicate!) and they fed it through my breast directly to the clip that showed the exact placement of the cancer cells. They do this so that the surgeon has a direct line to the area and does not need to "fish around" in there for the correct placement. I was so pleased when, after Cynthia took a few photos, that Dr. Bethea said they got it perfect the first time and I was all set. Again, thanks to the extra lidocane!

Next stop was going up to Nuclear Medicine. At this point I sent Benton to the cafeteria and would meet him back in my room. Nuclear Medicine is where they inject my breast with the radiocative material so that they can see the lymph nodes and if the cancer cells have spread there so far. Dr. Cole and Susan Hartley, RN were the 2 wonderful women who took care of me up there. Again, I asked for extra lidocane and they were pleased to honor my request! These 2 ladies were so fun to talk to. Susan had a strong southern accent was so beautiful, inside and out. Dr. Cole stood about 5 ft tall and wore the funniest shoes but she was so sweet and fun! The injection here only took about 15 minutes. After that injection however, I was no longer able to walk about. Time to be wheelchair bound!

I arrived back to my room at about 10:45am. I was so happy to see Benton there as well as a dear friend & brother in Christ, Norm Fortier. Norm is on staff at our church. We have been getting to know him more and more through prayer time together. Yesterday we had a wonderful time of prayer and chatting with him. Norm left just after 11:00am and at 11:15am the nurse Vicki gave me a sedative. When she was done she simply said "good night" with a smile.

Shortly thereafter the anesthesiologist, C. Keith Stevens (aka Drug Dude) came in to explain to me what was going to happen when I get to the OR. Tall, thin guys with a great sense of humor. He said that when patients like him he gives us his real name. When they don't he gives them an alias. We liked him so we stuck to the above with the nickname of Drug Dude.

After a quick potty break and a big hug to Benton they got me rolling to the OR just before 11:30am. I remember going into the OR, moving myself onto the OR table and then them injecting me with the anesthesia. The nurse Juvy was there next to me and I started feeling a horrible itching sensation on my right arm. She rubbed it for me but I remember them quickly say get her off that med and use a different one (do not know the name of it, sorry!). Next thing Drug Dude told me to take a few breaths of oxygen from the mask - I think he lied about it being oxygen because I think I only got one breath of it and that's all she wrote. I don't remember anything else until I woke up at 2:15pm in the recovery room.

I apparently came out of surgery into the recovery room at 1:30, waking up an hour later. I immediately asked for something to drink, ginger ale preferably. I needed some sugar as I hadn't eaten since dinner the night before. I felt a strong sting in my nipple area so the nurse gave me a small dose of morphine. Did OK overall in recovery. Just was very dizzy and a little nauseous. The give you anti-nausea medication before you even wake up. The dizziness they said was from all the meds in you that were starting to "flush out". I had to pee so bad so the nurse walked me to the restroom. I held on to her for dear life!!!!!

Benton came back and sat with me at about 2:30pm. I was so happy to see his handsome face and smile. I think he was relieved to see me awake too. He said the one thought that just going through his mind while he was waiting for surgery to be done was "what if she doesn't wake up". How scary of a thought. We both knew that God would protect us and comfort us though. God is so good to us all the time! It felt really good to hold Benton's hand and just hold on to him again. It is such a strange feeling when you do not know where 3 hours of your day went!

The nurse gave me some graham crackers and saltines to get my stomach settled. After helping me get dressed I laid there for about 15 more minutes. Just didn't feel comfortable yet. We finally left the hospital at 3:30pm. Stopped at CVS on the way home to get the pain med prescription filled (acetominiphin w/codine) and them came home. I layed down quickly and woke up around 5:45pm. I was still dizzy and was having a few major hot flashes and sweating profusely. Apparently very normal when your body is getting rid of all the meds/toxins in your body after surgery.

A sweet neighbor made us some homemade vegetable soup last night. A perfect light dinner for Benton and I. Hit the spot. After dinner he and I crashed in the living room listening to the radio until the boys came home. I got up at 8:00pm and was glad not to feel the dizziness anymore. The boys were at church and got home around 9:00pm. It was so good to see their sweet faces. I showed them where the surgery was and little Dylan had tears in his eyes. I told him it was OK and that Mommy was just fine and he was relieved. He said he was just so happy I didn't have to have the "big surgery". I said "Me too!!!!".

After winding down and getting the boys to bed, Benton and I watched The Chronicles of Narnia (we love that movie!!!). We went to bed about midnight and both slept very well. This morning Benton stayed home until about 8:00am and then headed to work. I went back to bed and got up to the phone ringing at about 10:20am. It was the hospital calling to check on me! I told Jane that my experience at Roper was ABOVE EXCELLENT! Their goal is to have patient's experiences be excellent and she said she had goose bumps when I told her how wonderful my experience was.

Today is going as expected. Still in jammies, no shower, sore but taking tylenol or ibuprofen. Thank goodness I can eat and brush my teeth! No shower until Saturday but I live with 3 stinky boys so I think they can handle Mommy not showering for a few days! :)

Best part of the day so far is that Ruth Ruffin just brought me some homemade bread!!!! Guess what we are having for lunch Benton!!!!! Thank you sister for that special treat!!!

Thank you to EVERYONE who has sent me FB posts, emails, phone calls, and the prayers. You are all dear friends & family to me and all I can do now is say thank you! I wish you all a Happy Harvest this Thanksgiving and will be thanking Him for you all being part of my life!
Tammy

Take These Burdens...

2009-11-16T19:55:00.004-05:00

A dear friend, Cecilia, sang this song at church a few weeks ago. Both she and I are going through a "storm" right now in our lives however we both know that God is in control of everything. It's important to lay our burdens down before him and remember that he rescues us from our burdens and sufferings. I wanted to post the lyrics to this song for everyone to read. No matter what your burden is in your life, know that God will redeem you from them!

Take These Burdens, Written by Janet Paschal
Heavenly Father, This is your daughter, I need an answer
There's so much worry, So much trouble in my soul
But I have always found solutions, In these moments here with you
So take these burdens, and do what only You can do.
You've been my anchor so many times, Lord, through rough waters
So just hold me steady, this time I'm tossin' to and fro
But I know you're able to heal this heartache
'Cause you've always seen me through
Take these burdens and do what only You can do.
Chorus: Calm the storm,
Stop the strong wind from blowing in on me,
If I must go through the valley-give me peace,
I want to trust You,
So give me strength, Lord
Just to hold on tight to You
So take these burdens and do what only You can do.

This song is from Janet's CD titled "Songs for a Lifetime". Thank you DD for sharing it with me!

Surgery Scheduled...

2009-11-12T13:45:00.004-05:00

Just confirmed with Annette that my surgery is scheduled for next Wednesday, Nov 18th at Roper Hosptial. Have already done the pre-registration with the hospital as well. I need to be at Roper downtown no later than 7am. After paperwork is done (might take a while according to Annette) I will go in to have the needle placement put in for the injection during surgery. After that is done I will most likely have a little waiting time and then go in for surgery at 10:30'sh. I am unable to have anything to eat or drink after midnight on Tuesday night. Maybe Benton and I will take a late night run through Sonic so I can chow down a burger & shake (no corn dogs, sorry Mama Ceal!).

I have to say thank you to the following families who will be helping care for Jesse & Dylan next Wednesday. The Clarke family will be welcoming the boys to their home around 6:00am; the Legg Family will be picking them up from early release at school (11am); and the Dale family will be tag teaming with the Legg's to get the boys to AWANA and home that night. Thank you to all of you for your willingness and availability to help us! You are the "family" we have here in SC and we are so blessed to know and enjoy each of your families!

That's it for now. Please continue to pray for both me and Benton. Wednesday is sure to be a super long day, no only for me but also for Benton. Please pray for both of us to calm during the events of the day. Please also pray for wisdom for Dr. Baron and his staff. We know and trust the Lord will be in total control of the day.

Keeping the Faith and the Tatas!!!!!!

2009-11-09T17:34:00.003-05:00

Hello everyone! I received AWESOME news today. Annette, one of Dr. Baron's assistants called me at about 2:00pm today. She said she had literally just received my BRCA gene test results a few moments ago and wanted to call me ASAP to give me the good news....it was NEGATIVE!!!!! WOW! I am thrilled! God is so good, he has answered yet another prayer of mine! His Will is being done and he has spared me my tatas!!! For those of you who don't understand "tatas" there is a new breast cancer awareness campaign/marketing slogan that simply says "Save The Tatas". I think it is so funny yet must admit I wouldn't be caught dead wearing a t-shirt with that on the front. It's a fun way of referring to a woman's chest though don't you think??

When Jesse and Dylan got off the bus today I just couldn't contain the excitement about the test coming back negative. We stood in the kitchen and I grabbed both their hands and screamed "time to do the happy dance". I think they thought Mommy had gone nutzo on them but it was still fun to be goofy with them. I explained to them why this was such good news and I could tell on Dylan's face he was relieved to know that the surgery wouldn't be too complicated. I honestly felt like running into the streets just screaming "Praise the Lord, for He is so good, all the time!" If it had been raining today I probably would have gone out to dance in the rain! I'm looking forward to a huge hug (or 2, or 3, or 4, or....) from Benton tonight!

We're are proceeding with the surgery date for my lumpectomy on Wed, Nov 18th. I do not know what time surgery will be yet. Like I said earlier I know it will be at Roper Hospital in downtown Charleston. Tomorrow I have to have some simple blood work done but am just going to my primary care physicians office to have it completed.

Wow, what a day filled with joy! I love knowing that God is in total control of this situation in my life, and in all areas of my life. I honestly know he hears and answers my prayers!

John 16:23-24, "I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 24Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete."

Dates to Remember...

2009-11-08T20:49:00.004-05:00

This is mostly for my sanity but here is how the past few months went for me...
9/25/09: routine mammogram at Trident Breast Care Center, Charleston, SC
10/7/09: diagnostic mammogram & ultrasound on left side at TBCC
10/15/09: biopsy left side TBCC
10/19/09: received results that cells were cancerous; met with Dr. DeBerry in pm
10/21/09: met with Dr. Gretchen Meyers, oncologist, for "interview"
10/27/09: met with Dr. Paul Baron at Cancer Center of Charleston, surgeon
10/29/09: MRI done at CCofC with Dr. Baron's staff
10/30/09: Final walk thru & closed on our new house!!!!! :)
11/5/09: Follow-up appt with Dr. Baron to review MRI & pathology; diagnosed as grade 3 cancer
11/7/09: Big move into our new house! Whew, great exercise & a lot of work!
11/9/09: Rec'd BRCA test results...they were NEGATIVE!!!! Keeping the Tatas!!!!

Good to be "Home"...

2009-11-08T20:43:00.002-05:00

It's Sunday evening, November 9, 2009, and I'm sitting in our new house, in the new office, and just feeling so at home already. We were so blessed to have many extra hands on deck yesterday to make the move. Thanks to our wonderful, loving, and willing fellow servants from Miles Road Baptist Church who got 'er done! You guys rocked yesterday! Hopefully we'll be able to return the favor to y'all sometime!

Nothing new to report on the cancer front. Still waiting for the results of the BRCA test. Hope to hear no later than this Tuesday. Plenty to keep my mind occupied and me busy this week as I unpack box by box. It's kind of like Christmas for me...not sure exactly what I'll find when I open up each box!

Time to call it a night. Will be sure to post any news when I get it!
P.S. HE had a birthday but we got the GIFT!!!! Amen to that Mr. Dibble!!!!!!!

More Info...

2009-11-05T19:29:00.003-05:00

Just got an unexpected phone call from Jill Neumann, the PA for Dr. Baron. It was 6:30pm when she called so I was quite surprised. She said they have the results from the pathology report. My cancer is a "grade 3" on a scale of 1-3; 1 being the lowest in agressiveness, 3 being the highest. Sounds scary but really isn't. It doesn't change the diagnosis, treatment, surgery or prognosis. Just means that if, when they go in to remove the cells, that it may have spread a little. If the cancer has spread they will just take it out while I am already in surgery.

On a side note I asked Jill what she was doing at work so late. She told me they had a really tough day today. I was honest and told her I noticed that she was not "herself" when I saw her earlier and also mentioned that it seemed like the whole staff was confused and not "on top of things" today. She said it got really crazy in the office this afternoon and she apologized if it came across to me that way. I feel better knowing that today was an unusual day for their office. I have total confidence in them and know that this is the practice and surgeon I want to use.

Packed a few more boxes but had to keep out the electric skillet so we can have pancakes in the morning. We hope to move our beds over to the new house tomorrow and actually sleep at our new house for the first night! Woo-hoo!!!

Thanks to everyone for all your continued prayers and thoughts. Do you know I have people praying for me in Paris, France??? Isn't that awesome to know that God hears our prayers all over the world even though I'm in small town Summerville, SC??? God is so good, all the time!!!!!

Good night all!

A Little Confused...

2009-11-05T15:59:00.006-05:00

Today is Thursday 11/5/09 and I just returned from what I thought would be a simple, quick, "follow-up" appt with the surgeon. Everything went well, with the exception that the appt took about 1 1/2 hours and the staff seemed a little out of sorts today. It was as though no one knew much of anything about my MRI and Pathology report results. Dr. Baron asked his assistant where the pathology report was and she said it was being reviewed by another doctor in their office.

I first met with Jill Neumann, the Physician Assistant, who explained to me the procedure of the lumpectomy and the procedure of testing the sentinel nodes. They will test the nodes at the same time they are doing the lumpectomy. They test the nodes because if the cancer cells have spread anywhere that is the first place they go. If the nodes come back negative they will sew me up and I'll be good. If the nodes come back positive they will remove them and the surgery will just take a little longer and I'll be a little more sore for a few days. The cool thing is that they do all this at one time.

Both Jill and Dr. Baron still are very optimistic about the outcome of the surgery. We have tentatively scheduled my surgery for Wednesday, November 18th. I will have the surgery at Roper Hospital in Charleston. However, if the BRCA test come back positive, we will need to cancel that date and then start a whole new ball game of possible mastectomy and ovary surgery. Please pray that the test results come back negative!!!! I like my tatas just the way they are and so does my hubby! Enough said on that....I'm giggling right now!

So, a few more days to wait for the BRCA test and assuming those are negative we are on for the 18th. Benton will take that day off and then I should be fine to be at home by myself during the day while the boys are in school. Benton will be on Daddy duty in the mornings though so please begin praying for him now about that responsibility for him! I'm giggling again as I can only imagine what the mornings will be like without me making lunches, telling the boys what to wear, and getting them out the door on time!

I have not made a decision yet on an Oncologist. I'm sure Dr. Baron and his staff will begin talking to me soon about that choice. There is an Oncology practice right next door to Dr. Baron's office that is recommended so we'll most likely end up with them.

Time to get Jesse to his basketball evaluation for Upward tonight. The move is going well and we are thrilled that so many friends from church are willing to help us this Saturday to get 'er done!

A verse for the day...John 14:27, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

Emperor Penguins

2009-11-03T14:51:00.003-05:00

Today is Tuesday and I finally got a call back from the doctors office with the results of my MRI. She said something about the area where the calcification is being about the size of a half dollar. I'm confused by that since it looked so tiny on the digital mammogram photos. I do know, though, that MRI's give a much more in-depth look (more like 3D). She has some concern about the swelling of a few lymph nodes but also mentioned that the swelling there could be from the biopsy. It's not uncommon apparently for the nodes to swell after a biopsy has been done. I have a follow-up visit scheduled with the surgeon for this Thursday afternoon. He will review the MRI results and the pathology reports with me then. Still waiting for the results of the BRCA test to come back. They should be back no later than next Tuesday.

I woke up at 4:30am today with the knots in my stomach again. I got up around 5:30am, made my coffee, and talked with the Lord for about 15 minutes. It always helps to lay all my concerns before him. He knows every thought, emotion, and concern going through my head right now. As soon as I finished praying and began waking up the boys, all my anxiety subsided. Again, I must say, GOD IS SO GOOD TO ME! Even the smallest of prayer requests he answers. He calmed my nerves once again and let me proceed through the day with joy and a smile on my face.

Benton came home for lunch today and we sat and laughed about the funny comment Dylan made in the car this morning. Here is how the conversation went:
Jesse, "Mommy, how much does Daddy weigh?"
Me, "About 225 pounds."
Dylan, "Wow, that means Daddy could pick up an Emperor Penguin! They only weigh about 125 pounds!".
The joy Dylan and Jesse bring to my life is priceless. Just when I thought I'd have a "uneasy" day, Dylan pipes up and makes the cutest comments. Right when I started to giggle he said "STOP!". I told him I couldn't because his delightful personality makes my heart so happy I just can't help but chuckle!

It is an absolutely perfect fall day here in Summerville. The sun is shining, the breeze is blowing softly, and the leaves are falling. It's just gorgeous! A perfect day for moving more boxes to the new house! Off I go!

2009-10-31T07:24:00.006-04:00

A dear friend of ours in St. Louis sent me a beautiful prayer message on facebook. I was so touched by her words that I just had to post it in my blog for everyone to read. Thank you Brenda for your loving, sweet words that you lifted to Jesus on my behalf. I love you friend & am so glad to call you my sister in Christ! (Photo: Tammy & Brenda June 2009, Mt. Pleasant, SC)

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the gift of Tammy Johns. Thank you for loving her as you do, with your all-consuming love which exceeds our comprehension. Nobody loves her like you do, Lord, and we love her so very much. I give you thanks and praise that you are the Lord of her life, Lord of her heart, Lord of her mind and soul. I thank you that every promise you made to Tammy, you have made to her children and to her husband and to all of those who choose You.Lord, I'm not sure what's going on with Tammy right now, and I don't have to. I know that what is over my head is under your feet. There is nothing greater than You. Nothing. I know your grace and mercy protect those who love and serve you. I know you are The Creator and The Great Physician. I know we can claim healing in the name of Jesus. So right now, Lord, in the name of your precious son, I claim the healing of Tammy Johns in the accordance of Your Will. I pray every cell in Tammy's body would be in Your Will. In Jesus name, I bind the spirit of infirmity and send it to dry waterless places. I stand fast on your promises, your truth, your love. I pray the Holy Spirit would dwell wholly within Tammy and bring her great peace and unspeakable joy. May you keep and protect Tammy and her family from the tops of their heads, to the souls of their feet, leaving nothing unclaimed by you. Nothing.In you, Lord, we have everything. Everything. You are ours and we are yours. We know the word hope means "confident expectation". Our hope is in you, Lord. We thank you in advance for the answers to our prayers. May each beat of our hearts beat for you. Each word of our mouth be pleasing to you. Each touch of our hands, each thought of our minds, each choice that we make bring your Kingdom glory. We give each and every bit of glory and praise to you. You are the Lord of lords and King of kings. Our faithful Father. We are blessed to merely serve you, but you bless us so much more. We owe all to you. Thank you, Lord. Praise you, Lord. In Jesus holy name I pray. Amen.

2009-10-30T07:39:00.002-04:00

We carved our pumpkins last night and had a blast! So pleased with the way they all came out...Mommy is especially proud of her pink pumpkin in honor of breast care awareness month! Get those mammies ladies!!!! Love to all!

MRI Moments...

2009-10-29T09:51:00.002-04:00

Left the house bright & early this morning to drop boys off at school then head back down to the Cancer Center of Charleston for my MRI. I arrived at 7:50am for my 8:00am appt and they called me in immediately to get it done! Don't you love it when God makes your morning work so smoothly!

First step was to explain the process to me. They gave me a quick snack just in case I might feel some nausea from the dye they would inject into me. The two ladies helping me were so pleasant, kind, and personable. I love it when I feel comfortable around the staff. Next step was to put in an iv tube for the dye. First gal couldn't find a good vein on the left arm so the 2nd gal found it immediately on my right. No big deal at all!

Into the room we go and wow, what a crazy looking machine. I layed on my stomach on the table with both breasts hanging down. Believe it or not the table was quite comfortable. The procedure would be loud though so they gave me ear plugs and headphones with my choice of radio station playing (100.5 - HIS Radio). Unfortunately during the actual pictures being taken I could barely hear the songs since the machine makes loud clicking noises. However, in between the 5 rounds of pictures I did get to hear some of my favorite Christian Praise & Worship Songs. The 2 gals would talk to me after each series of pictures was taken...one took 30 seconds, one took 8 min, and there were 3 others in between. All in all it was a very easy procedure. The informed me when they would inject the dye. I immediately felt a very cool sensation run up my arm and over my shoulder. After that though, no sense of it at all. Not even a weird taste in my mouth or any nausea.

My left arm was asleep from laying with my arms over my head for about 30 minutes so it took me a minute to get up after all was done. All in all it was a very easy procedure. I kept my eyes closed through the whole thing and even think I fell asleep for a few moments while the pictures were being taken.

They said I should receive a phone call either tomorrow or Friday with the results. Tomorrow is a crazy day for us though with the final walk-thru and closing on our new house. I'll be sure to update my blog as soon as I know the results. Now we wait for the results of the BRCA test to come back in about 1 1/2 weeks.

Oh yea, meant to write down the most important piece of information that was given to me when we met with the surgeon last Tuesday. The Physician Assistant, Jill, assured me that it was OK to be anxious however also assured me that my condition would not change at all over the next few weeks. Put it this way, it took a year for the calcification to form since my last Mammogram in 9/08. Waiting a few weeks for surgery is harmless! I really needed to hear that. It made all the difference in the world to me to know that simple fact.

OK, time to get some boxes packed and get some grocery shopping done. It is a gorgeous day here today! Praise the Lord for he is so good, all the time!

Step by Step You Lead Me...

2009-10-27T12:26:00.002-04:00

This morning Benton and I went to the Cancer Center of Charleston and met with Dr. Paul Baron. I once again woke up very early this morning with the knots in my stomach. However, as soon as we met with him, got some more information, and knew what the next step was the knots went away. It's almost like with each step we take getting to the finish line that my mind is more at ease and I continue to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit giving me the peace I need.

The appointment with Dr. Baron went very well. Everything he said and his Physician Assistant Jill said were positive. Again I must PRAISE THE LORD FOR EARLY DETECTION!!!!!! We scheduled the MRI for Thursday morning and I had blood drawn for the BRCA gene test. If the BRCA test comes back negative we'll proceed with scheduling a lumpectomy. If the BRCA test comes back positive we have a more complicated decision to make regarding surgery. When the BRCA gene is present in someone, it becomes a 50/50 chance that they would develop breast cancer and/or ovarian cancer in the future. If it does come back positive, the discussion of possible mastectomy(s) will begin. Dr. Baron did mention that the rate of a positive BRCA test returning is 1 in 350 women. Needless to say, the odds are pretty good but not certain that my test will come back negative. It takes up to 2 weeks to get the BRCA test results back. I will plan to meet with Dr. Baron again early next week to review the results of the MRI and pathology reports with him.

GOD IS SOOOOOO VERY GOOD! Here's my planning mind at work...so looks like the surgery will not be for a minimum of 3 weeks. We close on our new house this Friday, 10/30. That means that I'll be fully capable of cleaning and getting some stuff moved over to the new house! We will still be needing some muscles though to help us move over the big stuff. We'll begin working on a date for that soon and will be sure to let everyone know. Benton and I hope to get a head start of some stuff this coming weekend.

Remember everyone, everything will happen in His Timing, not ours. I remember thinking when I first found out about the cancer that I just wanted to get the surgery done and over with. However, look how God has laid out the next few weeks for us!!! Isn't he clever! And I must say he plans things out very well! Imagine having to keep track of all those personal calendars???

Thank you for the continued prayers and support everyone. I feel very much at peace now today knowing that the outcome of all this looks very positive. The Surgeon gave me a very positive prognosis. Even if the BRCA test comes back positive, my outcome should be great!

Step By Step You Lead Me, and I will follow you all of my days...

Tomorrow's a big day...

2009-10-26T17:17:00.000-04:00

Getting ready to meet Dr. Paul Baron tomorrow. He is supposed to be the best breast cancer surgeon in the area. He came highly recommended to me by at least 3 sources. I'm ready to hear what he says and get the show on the road!

Today I treated myself to a massage...I think I've been just a little stressed out the past few weeks. It felt great but she said I should really come in once a week for a while to help relieve the tension in my shoulders and back. Wouldn't that be wonderful! I wonder if she will make house calls?

It's definitely feeling like a fall day here. Cloudy & cool...I'm loving this weather! Perfect for trick-or-treating this coming weekend!

I'll be sure to add a new post tomorrow and document what the surgeon tells us about my prognosis and next steps. Please pray for my mind to be "alert" and "open" to whatever the conversation entails. I'm not good with the medical lingo!

Thank you for the continued prayers! Oh yeah, closing on our new house is still scheduled for this Friday! Benton took the whole day off so we can bask in the glory of being in debt once again together! Hahaha!

Until tomorrow....

Calming the Nerves...

2009-10-25T15:19:00.000-04:00

This past Friday I actually felt nervous about the cancer. I woke up with knots in my stomach, not an upset stomach, just knots. I called Benton and asked him to pray for me. Today I felt the same way. Maybe because I knew many friends would ask me questions at church today. Who knows why, I just had a nervous stomach. This morning at church, however, my nerves were calmed quickly. A friend of ours sings solos at church sometimes. Her name is Cecelia and she certainly has the spiritual gift of her voice and singing. She sang a gorgeous song by Janet Pascal and it brought me to tears. She told Benton before service that she had been thinking about us this past week and knew she wanted to sing something for me. WOW! She moved me to tears in both services. I needed to cry though, thank you Cecelia! She will be sending me the lyrics to the song and I will be sure to post them for all to read. I just want to say thank you again to everyone out there who is praying for us. We have the appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday morning. I'm hoping to get an MRI and some blood work scheduled for this coming week and then possibly get my surgery scheduled for the following week. I'm beginning to get very anxious about wanting to get the surgery over with. I know that I am to cast all my care on the Lord though because he cares for me! 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

This afternoon we spent outside watching the boys play in the water with the hose. It's a gorgeous day here in SC. Hard to believe that it is the end of October and the boys are playing in swimsuits in the front yard! We've started trying to get organized to move some things in the new house next weekend. Thanks to our SS class for being so available to help us move. We are so blessed to know such loving, genuine, caring, and giving people!

Time to get back to church to lead my Helper By Design class. Just a few more weeks and we'll be done with the book!

Lunch at Ladles...

2009-10-24T12:23:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had lunch with Jessica Hall, the young lady from Medfield who also lives here in Summerville and has just finished up her treatment for her breast cancer. WOW! What a wonderful lively converstation we had. It was so nice to meet her. Seems like we have lots in common. There was not a moment of silence between the two of us for the whole hour we were at lunch. She shared a wealth of information with me and also answered some of the more "silly" questions about surgery and treatments. For example, "Will I be able to take a shower after surgery?"..answer, "No, not for at least 2-3 days." Lovely huh? At least I can sit in a bath tub though and give myself a sponge bath! I feel like I instanteously have a new friend to share my journey with. Thank you Jessica for having Lunch with me at Ladles and sharing your story with me. I so look forward to getting to know you and your family in the future!

It's a Small World...

2009-10-22T16:45:00.000-04:00

Funny thing happened this afternoon....our realtor here had recently referred me to another client of hers who has just recently gone through breast cancer surgery & treatment. She suggested I call her (name is Jessica) to get some recommendations for a surgeon and oncologist. So I did. We played phone tag for a few days but finally got in touch today. Jessica is 9 years younger than me and quite a vibrant and joyful woman. Needless to say we instantly got along on the phone! At the end of our last conversation I asked if she was on Facebook and we agreed to friend eachother. First thing we have in common is that we both have a 7 year old boy named Dylan. Come to find out they are only 5 days apart in age. As I was looking at her FB profile I near about fell out of my chair when I saw her hometown was listed as Medfield, MA!!! Can you believe it? The Lord certainly brought us together for a reason! God is in control of everything and sometimes surprises us with the nicest people in our lives! Jessica and I are having lunch together tomorrow and I can't wait to get to know her more and more through this journey we are both on!

Favorite Verse

2009-10-22T08:28:00.000-04:00

Romans 5:3-5, 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

This verse says it all for me...I will not be dissapointed by God's will in my life. He is in control and will bring us through this storm. God is my Shield, my Sustainer, my Redeemer, and my Great Physican!

Miles of Prayers at Miles Road & Beyond

2009-10-22T08:22:00.001-04:00

Every Wednesday evening is a prayer night for the adults at our chuch, Miles Road Baptist Church. Benton and I have been blessed to be part of a smaller group of prayer warriors who pray together for a solid hour upstairs in the choir room. I can't not begin to express how the Holy Spirit shows us his presence during our prayer time. It is awesome to feel the spirt moving around and through all of us who pray together. Tears are shed and laughter is heard during our prayer time.

Last night was especially touching for Benton and I. So many prayers were lifted up on our behalf. I praise the Lord for Tommy Ward reaching out in prayer to Benton. Having been through a similar experience with his wife he read exactly what was on my mind....Benton. I know Benton well enough to say that he doesn't always express his feelings. He tends to hold things in until he explodes. Tommy assured Benton that it is OK to cry, to fear, and to have questionable thoughts about what the future holds. I want him to cry, and I want him to have other men he can call and lean on when he is worried. Thank you to the Tommy and the rest of the wonderful friends and prayer warriors who prayed diligently over us last night....Norm Fortier, Debbi Dunlap, Ivy Dingler, Tommy Ward, and Nancy Bone. We love you all and are so thankful that you will be on this journey with us!

Telling the boys...

2009-10-22T08:15:00.001-04:00

Tuesday night I began feeling like I was hiding a secret from the boys. They knew that Mommy had been going back and forth to doctor appts but they didn't know why. Benton wanted to wait longer to tell them but I didn't think it was fair to them. We sat down together and began telling them what was going on.

I told them about why Mommy has been going to so many doctor appts. I told them that Mommy has a disease that the doctor needs to take out of her body. I told them it was in my breast and showed them the incision from the biopsy. They were very understanding. Jesse, our very smart 4th grader quickly said "What's the name of the disease Mommy?". I won't lie to my children so I told them it was Breast Cancer. I told them how blessed we were to catch it so early though and that Mommy is going to be fine.

My fear for my children is that another child at school might say something harmful to them about cancer. I told them to try not to discuss with other kids but that they could talk to their teachers about it. Both of them were fine after we discussed this with them. They asked whose house they got to go to after school when I have surgery. We are so thankful for the friends we have here in Summerville who have helped us so much already...you know who you are so I do not need to name you.

Jesse & Dylan, I love you both so very much. You are the sunshine of my days and I can't wait to watch you grow every day, every month and every year! The laughter and joy you bring to my life is priceless. Your smiles and beautiful eyes tell me how blessed I am to be your Mother!

The Results

2009-10-22T08:04:00.000-04:00

On Monday 10/19/09 I hopefully waited for a phone call from either my Primary Care Physician (Dr. Nicole DeBerry, Palmetto Primary Care) or from Dr. McGue at Trident Breast Care Center. By 10:30am I had not recieved a phone call so I decided to call them. I talked to Dale Hutson, one of the nurses at Trident, and she informed me that there were cancerous cells in the sample. Hhhmmm, I thought, OK, how bad and what's the next step. She quickly informed me that the results were the best case scenario of the worst. The cancerous cells are contained inside the duct and have not spread outside the duct at this point. I was relieved to hear that. Most of all though I was relieved to have an answer. Waiting is no fun when you do not know! For those of you that know me, my first reaction was OK, let's get moving on getting this taken care of. Benton and I made an appt to sit down with my Primary Care doc that afternoon to get her opinion and referrals. All I kept thinking that day was PRAISE THE LORD FOR EARLY DETECTION AND TECHNOLOGY!!!! We got names of an Oncologist and Surgeons and were told that her office would get all the necessary paperwork and lab results to them first thing Tuesday morning.

Tuesday morning I began feeling anxious and wanted to get some appts as quickly as possible. Dr. DeBerry's office did exactly like she said. When I called they said everything had been taken care of and I could call to get the ball rolling.

Benton and I met with Dr. Gretchen Meyers, the Oncologist, on Wed 10/21/09 at noon. We spent a good hour talking with her and "interviewing" her. We both felt very comfortable with her. We asked for her opinion on some surgeon names that I had been referred to and she confirmed that by far the best surgeon in the area is Dr. Paul Baron with Cancer Center of Charleton. I have already scheduled an appt with Dr. Baron for next Tuesday 10/27/09. During this next appt I believe he will recommend a MRI and a blood test for the BRCA gene. If all goes well with the MRI I'm hoping to be able to have surgery to remove the tissue the following week. They are calling the surgery a lumpectomy even though there is technically no lump. Again, PRAISING THE LORD FOR EARLY DETECTION!!! I'm technically in pre-stage 1 cancer. God is so good, all the time!

When it all began...

2009-10-22T07:40:00.001-04:00

I turned 30 twelve years ago and have been getting my annual mammograms since that day. Today I am 42 and 4 weeks ago, on 9/25/09 I went for what I thought would be just another normal mammogram day. I was in and out of the Trident Breast Care Center quickly and remember thinking "that went really well". The following Monday I was called and told that they needed to do a diagnostic mammogram on my left side for some better pictures. I went back to the breast care center on 10/7/09 and thought I would only be there for a short time. After they took the diagnostic pictures the doctor requested an ultrasound on my left breast. What they were seeing was a deposit of calcium in a small cluster. After he completed the ultrasound he suggested getting a biopsy done to be "better safe than sorry". My biopsy was scheduled for Thursday 10/15/09. At this point I was starting to wondering what could this be. My primary care physician was very positive about the outlook.

We went back to Trident Breast Care Center for the biopsy. What was supposed to be a relatively quick procedure and morning turned into a horrible experience. First of all the position you must lie in for a lengthy period of time is uncomfortable. You lay on a hard bed with a hole in the middle where your breast hangs through. After you get settled on the bed, a bunch more xrays are taken from different perspectives. The compression of my breast wasn't that terrible but after about 20 pictures I was ready to call it a day. After about 45 minutes of the xray tech not being able to "see" the calcium cluster the doctor came in and wondered what was taking so long. He quickly said "then lets look from a different direction" and they quickly found the cluster. I was a little ticked off that much of the past 45 min could have been avoided. The next step was to get me perfectly still so they could inject the lanacaine numbing medicine. As they were doing that (slight sting, nothing major) I told the people in the room how the last time I needed lanacaine for dental work it took them 7 shots to numb me. Looking back on the day I guess I had hoped the doctor would have picked up on that comment.

A few minutes later they said they were ready to start. Well, simply said, the lanacaine did not fully numb me and it felt like a knife was being shot directly into my breast. It was excruciating. I will not lie...I screamed and began shaking terribly. I remember the doctor saying "she's not numb, get some more lanacaine". They gave me some valium but it still took about 5-10 minutes for me to stop crying and shaking hysterically. They proceeded to give me an entire vile of lanacaine which apparently did the trick. I also remember a nurse saying "you moved and so we have to start again". Heck yea I moved! I apologized to the nurses and doctor for moving and they told me it was not my fault yet they never apologized for the pain they inflicted on me unnecessarily. Apparently there is a standard way to test if someone is numb enough to proceed with the biopsy. They didn't test me to see if I was numb...hence the excruciating pain and physiological response to want to jump off the table!

Ok, so the painful part was done and they completed the biopsy. The doctor confirmed they got a good sample of the tissue and they could begin cleaning the betadine off me and get me bandaged. Before I could leave though they still had to take some post-biopsy films. Thank goodness those were done while I was standing up. I was stiffer than a board after lying in the same position for almost 2 hours. What should have been a "quick" procedure turned into a 4 hour stay at the breast care center.

Throughout this whole ordeal my loving husband was in the waiting room. The nurses continued to visit with him to let him know what was going on. I can only imagine the fear in his mind about not being in the room with me. As soon as I saw him I began crying uncontrollably again. Benton is not only my soul mate and best friend, but he is my rock in bad times. I love him so very much!

The rest of that day is somewhat a blur. I came home, slept for a few hours, and some kind friends brought us dinner. I was beginning to feel very sore at the biopsy sight since the lanacaine was wearing off. Today I still have a large bruise at the sight as a reminder of that horrible day.

The doctor told me before I left that I should have the results of the biopsy by Monday. Let me just say that the waiting game is no fun! I thank the Lord for all the prayers of dear friends & family. Without you, the waiting game would have been much worse!