A dear friend of ours in St. Louis sent me a beautiful prayer message on facebook. I was so touched by her words that I just had to post it in my blog for everyone to read. Thank you Brenda for your loving, sweet words that you lifted to Jesus on my behalf. I love you friend & am so glad to call you my sister in Christ! (Photo: Tammy & Brenda June 2009, Mt. Pleasant, SC)

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the gift of Tammy Johns. Thank you for loving her as you do, with your all-consuming love which exceeds our comprehension. Nobody loves her like you do, Lord, and we love her so very much. I give you thanks and praise that you are the Lord of her life, Lord of her heart, Lord of her mind and soul. I thank you that every promise you made to Tammy, you have made to her children and to her husband and to all of those who choose You.Lord, I'm not sure what's going on with Tammy right now, and I don't have to. I know that what is over my head is under your feet. There is nothing greater than You. Nothing. I know your grace and mercy protect those who love and serve you. I know you are The Creator and The Great Physician. I know we can claim healing in the name of Jesus. So right now, Lord, in the name of your precious son, I claim the healing of Tammy Johns in the accordance of Your Will. I pray every cell in Tammy's body would be in Your Will. In Jesus name, I bind the spirit of infirmity and send it to dry waterless places. I stand fast on your promises, your truth, your love. I pray the Holy Spirit would dwell wholly within Tammy and bring her great peace and unspeakable joy. May you keep and protect Tammy and her family from the tops of their heads, to the souls of their feet, leaving nothing unclaimed by you. Nothing.In you, Lord, we have everything. Everything. You are ours and we are yours. We know the word hope means "confident expectation". Our hope is in you, Lord. We thank you in advance for the answers to our prayers. May each beat of our hearts beat for you. Each word of our mouth be pleasing to you. Each touch of our hands, each thought of our minds, each choice that we make bring your Kingdom glory. We give each and every bit of glory and praise to you. You are the Lord of lords and King of kings. Our faithful Father. We are blessed to merely serve you, but you bless us so much more. We owe all to you. Thank you, Lord. Praise you, Lord. In Jesus holy name I pray. Amen.

We carved our pumpkins last night and had a blast! So pleased with the way they all came out...Mommy is especially proud of her pink pumpkin in honor of breast care awareness month! Get those mammies ladies!!!! Love to all!

MRI Moments...

Left the house bright & early this morning to drop boys off at school then head back down to the Cancer Center of Charleston for my MRI. I arrived at 7:50am for my 8:00am appt and they called me in immediately to get it done! Don't you love it when God makes your morning work so smoothly!

First step was to explain the process to me. They gave me a quick snack just in case I might feel some nausea from the dye they would inject into me. The two ladies helping me were so pleasant, kind, and personable. I love it when I feel comfortable around the staff. Next step was to put in an iv tube for the dye. First gal couldn't find a good vein on the left arm so the 2nd gal found it immediately on my right. No big deal at all!

Into the room we go and wow, what a crazy looking machine. I layed on my stomach on the table with both breasts hanging down. Believe it or not the table was quite comfortable. The procedure would be loud though so they gave me ear plugs and headphones with my choice of radio station playing (100.5 - HIS Radio). Unfortunately during the actual pictures being taken I could barely hear the songs since the machine makes loud clicking noises. However, in between the 5 rounds of pictures I did get to hear some of my favorite Christian Praise & Worship Songs. The 2 gals would talk to me after each series of pictures was taken...one took 30 seconds, one took 8 min, and there were 3 others in between. All in all it was a very easy procedure. The informed me when they would inject the dye. I immediately felt a very cool sensation run up my arm and over my shoulder. After that though, no sense of it at all. Not even a weird taste in my mouth or any nausea.

My left arm was asleep from laying with my arms over my head for about 30 minutes so it took me a minute to get up after all was done. All in all it was a very easy procedure. I kept my eyes closed through the whole thing and even think I fell asleep for a few moments while the pictures were being taken.

They said I should receive a phone call either tomorrow or Friday with the results. Tomorrow is a crazy day for us though with the final walk-thru and closing on our new house. I'll be sure to update my blog as soon as I know the results. Now we wait for the results of the BRCA test to come back in about 1 1/2 weeks.

Oh yea, meant to write down the most important piece of information that was given to me when we met with the surgeon last Tuesday. The Physician Assistant, Jill, assured me that it was OK to be anxious however also assured me that my condition would not change at all over the next few weeks. Put it this way, it took a year for the calcification to form since my last Mammogram in 9/08. Waiting a few weeks for surgery is harmless! I really needed to hear that. It made all the difference in the world to me to know that simple fact.

OK, time to get some boxes packed and get some grocery shopping done. It is a gorgeous day here today! Praise the Lord for he is so good, all the time!

Step by Step You Lead Me...

This morning Benton and I went to the Cancer Center of Charleston and met with Dr. Paul Baron. I once again woke up very early this morning with the knots in my stomach. However, as soon as we met with him, got some more information, and knew what the next step was the knots went away. It's almost like with each step we take getting to the finish line that my mind is more at ease and I continue to feel the presence of the Holy Spirit giving me the peace I need.

The appointment with Dr. Baron went very well. Everything he said and his Physician Assistant Jill said were positive. Again I must PRAISE THE LORD FOR EARLY DETECTION!!!!!! We scheduled the MRI for Thursday morning and I had blood drawn for the BRCA gene test. If the BRCA test comes back negative we'll proceed with scheduling a lumpectomy. If the BRCA test comes back positive we have a more complicated decision to make regarding surgery. When the BRCA gene is present in someone, it becomes a 50/50 chance that they would develop breast cancer and/or ovarian cancer in the future. If it does come back positive, the discussion of possible mastectomy(s) will begin. Dr. Baron did mention that the rate of a positive BRCA test returning is 1 in 350 women. Needless to say, the odds are pretty good but not certain that my test will come back negative. It takes up to 2 weeks to get the BRCA test results back. I will plan to meet with Dr. Baron again early next week to review the results of the MRI and pathology reports with him.

GOD IS SOOOOOO VERY GOOD! Here's my planning mind at work...so looks like the surgery will not be for a minimum of 3 weeks. We close on our new house this Friday, 10/30. That means that I'll be fully capable of cleaning and getting some stuff moved over to the new house! We will still be needing some muscles though to help us move over the big stuff. We'll begin working on a date for that soon and will be sure to let everyone know. Benton and I hope to get a head start of some stuff this coming weekend.

Remember everyone, everything will happen in His Timing, not ours. I remember thinking when I first found out about the cancer that I just wanted to get the surgery done and over with. However, look how God has laid out the next few weeks for us!!! Isn't he clever! And I must say he plans things out very well! Imagine having to keep track of all those personal calendars???

Thank you for the continued prayers and support everyone. I feel very much at peace now today knowing that the outcome of all this looks very positive. The Surgeon gave me a very positive prognosis. Even if the BRCA test comes back positive, my outcome should be great!

Step By Step You Lead Me, and I will follow you all of my days...

Tomorrow's a big day...

Getting ready to meet Dr. Paul Baron tomorrow. He is supposed to be the best breast cancer surgeon in the area. He came highly recommended to me by at least 3 sources. I'm ready to hear what he says and get the show on the road!

Today I treated myself to a massage...I think I've been just a little stressed out the past few weeks. It felt great but she said I should really come in once a week for a while to help relieve the tension in my shoulders and back. Wouldn't that be wonderful! I wonder if she will make house calls?

It's definitely feeling like a fall day here. Cloudy & cool...I'm loving this weather! Perfect for trick-or-treating this coming weekend!

I'll be sure to add a new post tomorrow and document what the surgeon tells us about my prognosis and next steps. Please pray for my mind to be "alert" and "open" to whatever the conversation entails. I'm not good with the medical lingo!

Thank you for the continued prayers! Oh yeah, closing on our new house is still scheduled for this Friday! Benton took the whole day off so we can bask in the glory of being in debt once again together! Hahaha!

Until tomorrow....

Calming the Nerves...

This past Friday I actually felt nervous about the cancer. I woke up with knots in my stomach, not an upset stomach, just knots. I called Benton and asked him to pray for me. Today I felt the same way. Maybe because I knew many friends would ask me questions at church today. Who knows why, I just had a nervous stomach. This morning at church, however, my nerves were calmed quickly. A friend of ours sings solos at church sometimes. Her name is Cecelia and she certainly has the spiritual gift of her voice and singing. She sang a gorgeous song by Janet Pascal and it brought me to tears. She told Benton before service that she had been thinking about us this past week and knew she wanted to sing something for me. WOW! She moved me to tears in both services. I needed to cry though, thank you Cecelia! She will be sending me the lyrics to the song and I will be sure to post them for all to read. I just want to say thank you again to everyone out there who is praying for us. We have the appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday morning. I'm hoping to get an MRI and some blood work scheduled for this coming week and then possibly get my surgery scheduled for the following week. I'm beginning to get very anxious about wanting to get the surgery over with. I know that I am to cast all my care on the Lord though because he cares for me! 1 Peter 5:7, "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

This afternoon we spent outside watching the boys play in the water with the hose. It's a gorgeous day here in SC. Hard to believe that it is the end of October and the boys are playing in swimsuits in the front yard! We've started trying to get organized to move some things in the new house next weekend. Thanks to our SS class for being so available to help us move. We are so blessed to know such loving, genuine, caring, and giving people!

Time to get back to church to lead my Helper By Design class. Just a few more weeks and we'll be done with the book!

Lunch at Ladles...

Yesterday I had lunch with Jessica Hall, the young lady from Medfield who also lives here in Summerville and has just finished up her treatment for her breast cancer. WOW! What a wonderful lively converstation we had. It was so nice to meet her. Seems like we have lots in common. There was not a moment of silence between the two of us for the whole hour we were at lunch. She shared a wealth of information with me and also answered some of the more "silly" questions about surgery and treatments. For example, "Will I be able to take a shower after surgery?"..answer, "No, not for at least 2-3 days." Lovely huh? At least I can sit in a bath tub though and give myself a sponge bath! I feel like I instanteously have a new friend to share my journey with. Thank you Jessica for having Lunch with me at Ladles and sharing your story with me. I so look forward to getting to know you and your family in the future!

It's a Small World...

Funny thing happened this afternoon....our realtor here had recently referred me to another client of hers who has just recently gone through breast cancer surgery & treatment. She suggested I call her (name is Jessica) to get some recommendations for a surgeon and oncologist. So I did. We played phone tag for a few days but finally got in touch today. Jessica is 9 years younger than me and quite a vibrant and joyful woman. Needless to say we instantly got along on the phone! At the end of our last conversation I asked if she was on Facebook and we agreed to friend eachother. First thing we have in common is that we both have a 7 year old boy named Dylan. Come to find out they are only 5 days apart in age. As I was looking at her FB profile I near about fell out of my chair when I saw her hometown was listed as Medfield, MA!!! Can you believe it? The Lord certainly brought us together for a reason! God is in control of everything and sometimes surprises us with the nicest people in our lives! Jessica and I are having lunch together tomorrow and I can't wait to get to know her more and more through this journey we are both on!

Favorite Verse

Romans 5:3-5, 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

This verse says it all for me...I will not be dissapointed by God's will in my life. He is in control and will bring us through this storm. God is my Shield, my Sustainer, my Redeemer, and my Great Physican!

Miles of Prayers at Miles Road & Beyond

Every Wednesday evening is a prayer night for the adults at our chuch, Miles Road Baptist Church. Benton and I have been blessed to be part of a smaller group of prayer warriors who pray together for a solid hour upstairs in the choir room. I can't not begin to express how the Holy Spirit shows us his presence during our prayer time. It is awesome to feel the spirt moving around and through all of us who pray together. Tears are shed and laughter is heard during our prayer time.

Last night was especially touching for Benton and I. So many prayers were lifted up on our behalf. I praise the Lord for Tommy Ward reaching out in prayer to Benton. Having been through a similar experience with his wife he read exactly what was on my mind....Benton. I know Benton well enough to say that he doesn't always express his feelings. He tends to hold things in until he explodes. Tommy assured Benton that it is OK to cry, to fear, and to have questionable thoughts about what the future holds. I want him to cry, and I want him to have other men he can call and lean on when he is worried. Thank you to the Tommy and the rest of the wonderful friends and prayer warriors who prayed diligently over us last night....Norm Fortier, Debbi Dunlap, Ivy Dingler, Tommy Ward, and Nancy Bone. We love you all and are so thankful that you will be on this journey with us!

Telling the boys...

Tuesday night I began feeling like I was hiding a secret from the boys. They knew that Mommy had been going back and forth to doctor appts but they didn't know why. Benton wanted to wait longer to tell them but I didn't think it was fair to them. We sat down together and began telling them what was going on.

I told them about why Mommy has been going to so many doctor appts. I told them that Mommy has a disease that the doctor needs to take out of her body. I told them it was in my breast and showed them the incision from the biopsy. They were very understanding. Jesse, our very smart 4th grader quickly said "What's the name of the disease Mommy?". I won't lie to my children so I told them it was Breast Cancer. I told them how blessed we were to catch it so early though and that Mommy is going to be fine.

My fear for my children is that another child at school might say something harmful to them about cancer. I told them to try not to discuss with other kids but that they could talk to their teachers about it. Both of them were fine after we discussed this with them. They asked whose house they got to go to after school when I have surgery. We are so thankful for the friends we have here in Summerville who have helped us so much already...you know who you are so I do not need to name you.

Jesse & Dylan, I love you both so very much. You are the sunshine of my days and I can't wait to watch you grow every day, every month and every year! The laughter and joy you bring to my life is priceless. Your smiles and beautiful eyes tell me how blessed I am to be your Mother!

The Results

On Monday 10/19/09 I hopefully waited for a phone call from either my Primary Care Physician (Dr. Nicole DeBerry, Palmetto Primary Care) or from Dr. McGue at Trident Breast Care Center. By 10:30am I had not recieved a phone call so I decided to call them. I talked to Dale Hutson, one of the nurses at Trident, and she informed me that there were cancerous cells in the sample. Hhhmmm, I thought, OK, how bad and what's the next step. She quickly informed me that the results were the best case scenario of the worst. The cancerous cells are contained inside the duct and have not spread outside the duct at this point. I was relieved to hear that. Most of all though I was relieved to have an answer. Waiting is no fun when you do not know! For those of you that know me, my first reaction was OK, let's get moving on getting this taken care of. Benton and I made an appt to sit down with my Primary Care doc that afternoon to get her opinion and referrals. All I kept thinking that day was PRAISE THE LORD FOR EARLY DETECTION AND TECHNOLOGY!!!! We got names of an Oncologist and Surgeons and were told that her office would get all the necessary paperwork and lab results to them first thing Tuesday morning.

Tuesday morning I began feeling anxious and wanted to get some appts as quickly as possible. Dr. DeBerry's office did exactly like she said. When I called they said everything had been taken care of and I could call to get the ball rolling.

Benton and I met with Dr. Gretchen Meyers, the Oncologist, on Wed 10/21/09 at noon. We spent a good hour talking with her and "interviewing" her. We both felt very comfortable with her. We asked for her opinion on some surgeon names that I had been referred to and she confirmed that by far the best surgeon in the area is Dr. Paul Baron with Cancer Center of Charleton. I have already scheduled an appt with Dr. Baron for next Tuesday 10/27/09. During this next appt I believe he will recommend a MRI and a blood test for the BRCA gene. If all goes well with the MRI I'm hoping to be able to have surgery to remove the tissue the following week. They are calling the surgery a lumpectomy even though there is technically no lump. Again, PRAISING THE LORD FOR EARLY DETECTION!!! I'm technically in pre-stage 1 cancer. God is so good, all the time!

When it all began...

I turned 30 twelve years ago and have been getting my annual mammograms since that day. Today I am 42 and 4 weeks ago, on 9/25/09 I went for what I thought would be just another normal mammogram day. I was in and out of the Trident Breast Care Center quickly and remember thinking "that went really well". The following Monday I was called and told that they needed to do a diagnostic mammogram on my left side for some better pictures. I went back to the breast care center on 10/7/09 and thought I would only be there for a short time. After they took the diagnostic pictures the doctor requested an ultrasound on my left breast. What they were seeing was a deposit of calcium in a small cluster. After he completed the ultrasound he suggested getting a biopsy done to be "better safe than sorry". My biopsy was scheduled for Thursday 10/15/09. At this point I was starting to wondering what could this be. My primary care physician was very positive about the outlook.

We went back to Trident Breast Care Center for the biopsy. What was supposed to be a relatively quick procedure and morning turned into a horrible experience. First of all the position you must lie in for a lengthy period of time is uncomfortable. You lay on a hard bed with a hole in the middle where your breast hangs through. After you get settled on the bed, a bunch more xrays are taken from different perspectives. The compression of my breast wasn't that terrible but after about 20 pictures I was ready to call it a day. After about 45 minutes of the xray tech not being able to "see" the calcium cluster the doctor came in and wondered what was taking so long. He quickly said "then lets look from a different direction" and they quickly found the cluster. I was a little ticked off that much of the past 45 min could have been avoided. The next step was to get me perfectly still so they could inject the lanacaine numbing medicine. As they were doing that (slight sting, nothing major) I told the people in the room how the last time I needed lanacaine for dental work it took them 7 shots to numb me. Looking back on the day I guess I had hoped the doctor would have picked up on that comment.

A few minutes later they said they were ready to start. Well, simply said, the lanacaine did not fully numb me and it felt like a knife was being shot directly into my breast. It was excruciating. I will not lie...I screamed and began shaking terribly. I remember the doctor saying "she's not numb, get some more lanacaine". They gave me some valium but it still took about 5-10 minutes for me to stop crying and shaking hysterically. They proceeded to give me an entire vile of lanacaine which apparently did the trick. I also remember a nurse saying "you moved and so we have to start again". Heck yea I moved! I apologized to the nurses and doctor for moving and they told me it was not my fault yet they never apologized for the pain they inflicted on me unnecessarily. Apparently there is a standard way to test if someone is numb enough to proceed with the biopsy. They didn't test me to see if I was numb...hence the excruciating pain and physiological response to want to jump off the table!

Ok, so the painful part was done and they completed the biopsy. The doctor confirmed they got a good sample of the tissue and they could begin cleaning the betadine off me and get me bandaged. Before I could leave though they still had to take some post-biopsy films. Thank goodness those were done while I was standing up. I was stiffer than a board after lying in the same position for almost 2 hours. What should have been a "quick" procedure turned into a 4 hour stay at the breast care center.

Throughout this whole ordeal my loving husband was in the waiting room. The nurses continued to visit with him to let him know what was going on. I can only imagine the fear in his mind about not being in the room with me. As soon as I saw him I began crying uncontrollably again. Benton is not only my soul mate and best friend, but he is my rock in bad times. I love him so very much!

The rest of that day is somewhat a blur. I came home, slept for a few hours, and some kind friends brought us dinner. I was beginning to feel very sore at the biopsy sight since the lanacaine was wearing off. Today I still have a large bruise at the sight as a reminder of that horrible day.

The doctor told me before I left that I should have the results of the biopsy by Monday. Let me just say that the waiting game is no fun! I thank the Lord for all the prayers of dear friends & family. Without you, the waiting game would have been much worse!